whenlifecomescrashingdown

wip.

“Skye.” the voice was almost a whisper but not quite. The tears were already streaming down my face as the realization kept banging against the inside of my skull, leaving me with nothing but concussions. 

“Arlyn, please… Please don’t go?” I managed, choking on the last word. I clutched his hand in my own, letting tears travel along his cool, once strong, hands. He smiled his crooked, contagious smile, tears sparkling in his own eyes. 

“Ya did it, Skye. It’s all yours, now.” he beckoned for me to come closer as he laid his hand on my cheek, stroking gently. “You survived the war, you survived the pain… you survived it all. The weak ones, the ones that couldn’t… they’re all gone and you’ll be left with generations of… strong ones. You’ll lead them all back. You’ll win again. I know you will.” he pulled me close and kissed me one last time. Long and passionate. Tears flowed with rage, with reason as I felt the life slip from his body. I gently laid his head back on the chilled ground, a pool of deep red surrounding him. 

War Keeps Raging On

I don’t get why I hate myself so much. I mean, she’s hitting on him - I’m pretty sure I have a right to be upset about that - and that’s a huge piss off. But why can’t I be upset with her and not myself or him?

I blame the fact that he’s had feelings for her in the past. I blame my insecurity. He didnt say anything to her - I should be happy about that. I’m not.

As insane as it sounds, I feel like he could have said SOMETHING. Something to show me he’s done with her…but he didnt. And it kills me.

please don’t be so ashamed

I know I have no right to be in the mood I’m in. I mean, after all, I did initiate the conversation. But, I can’t help but feel slightly betrayed by what’s going on.

Yeah, he’s my ex boyfriend but he’s also one of my oldest and closest friends. Before you existed, before Sherry, before Ben, before any of the other guys that I talk to now, he was the one I could run to. I’ve known him for so long and here we are, fighting over me seeing him.

I know it certainly seems like I’m choosing him over you but, God, I love YOU. If I wanted to choose anything or anyone over you, this relationship would not exist under any circumstances. Believe me, the moment Anton texted me about his fiance, all I could think was “Ugh, not again!” and you know that. If there was a moment of doubt in my mind in terms of our relationship compared to what he and I had, we would have parted ways. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that you’re everything to me?

As willing as I am to put everything on the line for this relationship, when a friend needs you, regardless of your past with them, you take care of them. Or, at least I do…

I don’t like fighting with you. I don’t want him to come between us. I’d love to spend time with you but we’ve spent so much time together recently, making love whenever we get the chance… Can’t I, just this once, see someone that’s given me smiles before you came along? Can’t I spend time with a guy that, to put it into perspective, was keeping me sane for a while? Please understand…

xoxo

give me the green light.

So, today, my boyfriend and I were talking about some stuff and we were just joking around about blow jobs and me giving another guy one and what followed scared the crap outta me. 

He was like “If that ever happened, I wouldn’t be mad or anything, but I would tell you that you mean everything to me and that I’m sorry it had to end like this. I’d quit my job and cut off all contact with you”. I’m certain there was more but by this point, I had already lost my mind. 8( 

I was absolutely devastated. Omg. I wanted to cry so badly but like… I have this condition where I hate crying in front of guys. LOL I’m too cool for this shit… ANYWAY. 

I was so sad! The thought of losing him.. the thought of him saying that to me, all of that, crushed my heart. I’m so in love with him, it’s not even funny, and then I have to allow myself to think about that? Jesus… It was hard. So so hard. I love him and I really don’t want to lose him, let alone hear those things. :( 

Pri was a sad monkey. 

I hope he trusts me? I told him about my wittle crush on Khaled today and he reacted better than I had expected which made me awfully happy. I think he still trusts me? He says he does and that he wouldn’t be dating me if he didn’t trust me. 

Nyyyeeeeaaaahhhh

I’m done. Kaythxbye

shut me up.

when you fuck up so nicely and you know that you’ll die if whatever you did gets out to the rest of the world because it’s one of those things that could make or break the reputation you’ve built for yourself. Bleh. 

just my luck, she rolled the dice.

I never expected to have a good thing just come into my life. I mean, I don’t expect much from the world, I’ve learned that… no matter how high, or low, your expectations are, they’re not always met. So I didn’t see this coming.

I didn’t expect to meet a guy that loved me for me. For the flaws and the pros that I come with. For the stupid antics that I pull. For the whining that I do. For everything that I am, for what I stand for. I didn’t know I’d meet someone like that.

It’s been a long time since I’ve met someone like him. I haven’t had a guy that’s treated me like he does for the last 2 years. I find that incredible, actually.

What really amazes me…. is that, while I know it’s too soon to even be thinking about it, I think I might just love him the way he loves me.

But I’m scared.

I’ve been hurt, tormented, fucked around with… I can’t have that happen again.

Guess we’ll have to wait and see.

but i know what i know and i know what you think.

There comes a time where any person, at any point, will want to give up. They’ll give up on everything and everyone, including themselves. I’ve been there.

I gave up. I didn’t really… do anything for over a year. I was bleh’d out for so long. I lost someone that meant quite a lot to me. After that, it was all downhill.

But someone stuck by me. She was there for me through everything. She never gave up on me. My best friend, my sister… Through all the times that I wanted to shoot myself, punch something, hit someone, she kept me sane.

And look at where I am, now.

I’m doing so well in university. Pulling off a 3.5 GPA because she’s kept me on my feet. I’ve got myself a loving, caring, incredibly amazing boyfriend because she told me that, while my heart was completely tattered and crushed, I’d find someone that would take all that pain away. Everything’s falling right into place for me and I honestly owe it all to her.

Hala, I love you. :) You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Believe it. <3

when the moon comes out, you metamorphosize

Yeah, I dunno how to spell …that long word.

You change your mind so quickly. It’s so… spontaneous and so out of the blue. One week, you’ll treat me like we’re best of friends. The next week, you’re being a big stoopid face.

It’s not fair that you can frustrate me so easily, without even noticing. I’ll admit I’m too much of a goofball for you but, even when I’m being nice or whatever, you seem to want me to go away. Here’s a thought: Just say it.

You keep effing with my mind and I don’t know when I can get the chance to either believe that you care or believe that you don’t give a shit. It’s not fun. Fat head. T-T

[OMFG, LOL, KHALED TRYING TO LOOK AHAHAHA]

Anyway, you’re a stoopid face. You tell people that we’re buds, that you’re my tutor but as soon as those people disappear you act all stoopid and retarded. I think you should make up your mind. Maybe get some hormone regulators or something. 8)

when the light hits your eyes, it’s telling me i’m right.

I thought we would be friends for a long ass time.

Obviously not happening. And now I’m mad and depressed and heartbroken.

You’re a fuck for making me go through this. You and her. You both fucked around with me. You both took me for fucking granted. Well, guess what? Your fucking loss.

You’ve made me waste so many fucking tears on you. Even now, while writing this, I’m holding back the tears. I don’t even know why I’m crying over a worthless piece of shit that made me believe that he cared when he really didn’t.

They say that’s the worst thing you can do… make someone believe that you care for them more than you actually do. I didn’t believe them. Now I do because the fucking jerk that I called my best friend acted on that.

You’re such a jerk. You’re shallow, degrading, disrespectful, judgemental, cocky. You’re everything I hate in a person yet, we were friends. I should have seen this end coming, eh?

I hope you fucking realize that you’ll never find a girl like me. A girl that was willing to accept your faults and put everything on the line for you. So far, you haven’t.

I’m done with you and your new fucking friend. You lost someone that’s a diamond in the rough.